Author: slonesolutions

A new year brings time to reconnect with our network. We touch base for updates, follow up after the holidays, gain insights into goals for the new year, attempt momentum as Q1 revs up. During one of these recent dialogues, I connected with an old friend. We reminisced about the days when we worked together, cherishing the fun and synergy of the team. Providing updates of team members we knew had “moved on.” Organically, the conversation moved from work-life to health and family and then insights to new ventures.

When my friend told me what was new in life, there were so many phrases that stood out.

“I failed.
Sadly.
I’ll admit.
It’s embarrassing.
Regrettably.”

There was a monologue of self judgement and justification to validate a recent career move.  Here was a friend who had reinvented themself and revitalized a skillset during a pandemic. A “bus stop” role attained to sustain family income, yet the personal reflection was negative.  We then talked about mindset and switching thoughts from failure to learning.

Last week during a group networking call, breakout rooms were provided to assist the discovery of common ground. Predetermined questions were given to facilitate the direction of our dialogue. One such question was, what are your goals for 2021? One participant stated their current occupation and then divulged their objective.  Wiping tears from the face, there was genuine heartfelt passion behind this planned jump, but what followed were words of doubt.

“Not certain I can do it. We’ll see what happens.”

Doubts and fears. Moments of hesitation emerging as the unknown becomes visible on the horizon.  We all have these thoughts, but this is where mindset is everything. It’s in these moments that determine our next steps. How do we tip the scales towards productivity? To see the opportunity and find value in the experience vs judging it as greater than, less than, or equal to? Failure vs learning?

If we don’t believe in our goals, how can others support us on our path?

We are each made up 99% positive attributes. Yet we have an uncanny ability to fixate on the negative. That 1% becomes a spotlight effect and we feel the world is watching.  Judging. How is it in these moments of self-doubt that some people remain in stagnant in overwhelm and others just do?

One of my dearest colleagues is one of these people. Last year, Tish mentioned she was going to apply for a Ted Talk.  She didn’t know if she would be accepted or not as she stated, “we miss out on all the opportunities we don’t take.”  This type of mindset sets a foundation for a positive viewpoint.  A paradigm that imagines possibilities. A mindset filled with intention and movement. Tish applied and her talk was selected. She presented for Tedx Naperville this past November.

Mindset truly is everything. Below

TIPS TO SUSTAIN A STRONG MINDSET

1. Start living life in gratitude. Find gratitude in everything. Stress and tension melt away when we are in a grateful state of mind.
2. Before your feet hit the floor in the morning, identify three things you’re thankful for and set your intention for the day.

Should the mindset turn negative.

3. BREATHE.

• Chat to yourself and then Reset.
• Ask yourself how berating yourself helps the situation?
• Ask yourself WHY you think you’re not worth it? Then ask this question again.
• Remember, there was a reason that thought, the dream, the wish, the attainable goal popped into your head. Listen to that inner voice.  What’s it saying to you?

4. Place affirmations in a place or on a phone and look at them daily.
5. Create a vision board
6. Tell others your goals and vision. The more people you tell, the more constant it remains in thought.

Quotes I Love for the Journey

• “If you think you can or can’t you’re probably right.” – Henry Ford
• “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” – Walt Disney.
• “It’s Not Whether You Get Knocked Down, It’s Whether You Get Up.” – Vince Lombardi
• “If You Are Working On Something That You Really Care About, You Don’t Have To Be Pushed. The Vision Pulls You.” – Steve Jobs
• “The Only Limit To Our Realization Of Tomorrow Will Be Our Doubts Of Today.”  – Franklin D. Roosevelt
• “People Who Are Crazy Enough To Think They Can Change The World, Are The Ones Who Do.” – Rob Siltanen

Mindset IS everything. Choose a good one.

How many of us began March with quarantine and cherished the time spent at home with family, only months later to complain about too much togetherness, ponder the end of this pandemic or whine about the challenges with E Learning? When did we lose the Fresh Paint Smell and become time-oriented and task-focused?  Why do life changing events bring resolutions that fade weeks or months later? How is it that our human nature is prone to judge and evaluate as if things are greater than, less than, or equal too? When does it start?

I remember walking my dogs months ago. Before I rounded the corner, I could hear two young boys at play. Their imaginary world was mystical and filled with castles and dragons. Their voices were filled with a sense of urgency as they encouraged each other to move with haste.  As I came around the curb, I saw two boys on bikes and in their imaginary play, chased by a dragon. Their arms were raised high as if holding swords. Their quest to slay the dragon and release the kingdom from a sinister villain.

Completely enveloped in their magical world, they would glance back and pedal frantically to escape the fire breathing dragon. But as our paths intertwined, the older of the two boys saw me and his imaginary world faded. He lowered his arm, looked down, and slowed his pace.  His younger brother pedaled past; constant in his imaginary realm, escaping the flames of the fire breathing dragon. The younger of the two oblivious to my presence.

The older brother and I locked eyes for a second, and I smiled at him.  But I saw shame and embarrassment for this imaginary play. His eyes shifted downward and he pedaled to catch up with his brother. I was an interloper in their game, and I was sad that I had dissolved this child’s imaginary world.  And in that moment, I thought to myself, what age is this boy with self-inflicted judgement? How did my glance stop his play?

This has been the year of the dragon for our household. Our daughter is obsessed with sculpting dragons, reading books about dragons, and watching TV shows about these mythical creatures.  Emma is 8 years old.  As we watch her more than likely final year of “believing,” we cherish every magical moment; every baked cookie, every Christmas show, walks in the neighborhood to view Christmas lights. I write these moments on my heart because I dread the day when she like the boy on his bike, stops playing. Or worse, finds my association shameful.

Our conversations have shifted this year, showing her growth and confidence. She’s taught us a lot about playfulness through endless games of “would you rather.” Even during a pandemic, her mind has this amazing capability of viewing options and opportunities. What if we could make time to be playful and focus on the opportunities? What if we could play “would you rather” in our day to day?

Would you rather be a fire dragon or an ice dragon? Would you rather be serious or playful? Would you rather be stressed or present? Would you rather assume tomorrow or be grateful for the day?  Would you rather ask for help or feel overwhelmed? Would you rather give help or receive it? Would you rather delete a friendship on social media or listen to differences of opinions and be open to learning new insights?

In the moments I hear my daughter’s laughter, I’m reminded of all the goodness in the world. I’m reminded of the normalcy we try to provide for our families. I’m reminded of the resilience that lies in each of us. I’m reminded that when I am not consumed with my own thoughts, when I’m focusing on others; that I’m at my best and mindfulness is prevalent.

For this season and the throughout the year ahead, let’s look at life through a new lens. Let’s find the ability to be playful and to imagine the possibilities. Let’s live in a space of gratitude and offer appreciation for every interaction. Let’s acknowledge that in a pandemic world we’ve established our own perceived “safe zones’” yet have the ability to look outside our established social bubbles, and then look again without judgment. Make 2021 the year to be open and accepting of what differs from our comfort zone.

Make 2021 the year to listen, to lean in, to think before we speak. To appreciate the air in our lungs, to really hear laughter, feel the sun on your face, have courage to speak out if lonely, offer help, but mostly be the reason someone smiles. Let’s play would you rather.

Wishing you all the joys of the season.

My sister recently divulged a call-center, customer service experience while following up to an online order.  Ladies, you can relate. Since the pandemic, those who previous kept their nail hygiene current with gel application probably found their hands less than visually appealing near mid-April.

With nail salons closed, my sister found herself with overgrown cuticles and paper-thin nails. Breaking and peeling, needing mineral strength, my sister knew of a polish to harden nails and enhance growth. There are two prominent brands that sell this product, and unfortunately, you cannot find it in stores.

My sister first shops at her go-to spot; Amazon. She is shocked by the price of the polish and hoping to restore nail strength with this magical elixir, she visits the manufacturer site to shop direct. The bottle is half the price found on Amazon and she makes her purchase. At check out, she is told to print the page and retain for her records.

She waits eagerly for the order. Waiting. Waiting. No arrival. Her nails look like hell, and she’s frustrated (I know first world problems, right?) She first contacts the company via email. No response. Not even acknowledgement of the email. Fortunately, the company is US based and she is able to call a customer service line.

My sister provides the order confirmation number to the agent and the agent communicates she won’t even look it up in the system. My sister is told, “Honey, I can tell that’s probably an official order number, but I can’t look it up. We are back logged. We have been back logged since February.  You’ll get that order when you get it.”

WOW?!?!  Awkward. First off, “Honey??”  Awkward.

No time frame for delivery?  Awkward.

No, “thank you for your business?” Awkward.

In customer service and client engagement, it’s always been about the experience.  It’s the experience that we talk about; good or bad.  It’s awkward that some haven’t figured that out. If the business focus is the client or customer, the business operations reflect this.  A business mindset focused on the client experience, results in memorable experiences that increase brand loyalty.

Knowing how to deviate from a process and determine when it helps, hinders, or alienates a client is key.  In a pandemic, we race to establish new patterns and routines. We find ourselves searching for the “new normal.” We sprint to sustain operations when deemed unessential. We battle to exist, forgetting the client experience.

The “new normal” is the “new awkward” when we become a finger-pointing, victimized culture that blames a pandemic for bad customer service. STOP! Choosing not to have a plan of action is a choice.  Choosing not to have a service recovery plan is also a choice. Choosing not to consistently acknowledge that our businesses exist because of the clients who purchase and subscribe to our products and services is arrogant, limited thinking, and a choice that leads to business fatality. In business, that’s always been “the normal” and it remains the norm now. How do we forget this? The new awkward is that poor customer service seems to be a result of a pandemic.

If your businesses offers products and services (which is pretty much everyone) please consider this. No matter the new norm, be certain your teams are focused on the client experience. Customer service is about engagement. Business is about relationships. Ask what the expectations is, then figure out a way to exceed it.

If your team is still establishing the “new normal,” consider the following:

• • Give eye contact and greet every client.
  • Use word selection carefully to provide an experience: ma’am, sir, may I, please, thank you, etc.
  • Extend appreciation to the client, guest, or customer. Make them feel valued.
  • Provide timelines to set expectations.
    • Advise and own up to delays, glitches, issues.
  • Address client concerns.
  • Have a recovery plan for when things go wrong.

These are the basics; elementary in nature, with a huge impact. May you establish your normal and divert from any awkward.

Happy New Year! If you haven’t given up on your New Year’s resolution, bravo! How we fail at accomplishing our resolutions is the topic of every media outlet lately.  Listen to the radio, watch the news, scroll through Facebook, and you’ll find a new statistic of what percentage and when we falter from our self-proclamation of personal and/or professional development.  Recent studies suggest by mid-February 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail.  So why do it? I addressed this in a previous blog; Waiting for the New Year Resolution.

What I find ironic about New Year resolutions, goal planning, and professional development is the judgement we place on ourselves, and the negative dialogue that follows when the objective is altered or abandoned.  It can incite a downward spiral of negative self-talk. Self-deprecating thoughts that fill our mind with incessant dialogue that ‘we’re not good enough.’  Thoughts like, “When have you ever?” “Did you really think you could do that?” “Figures.”  We rarely, if ever step back and ask, “What did I learn?”  Or objectively think, “This isn’t the direction we want to move.”

Whether a goal or a social interaction, we are judging.  Every interaction becomes an assessment. We judge the client. The client is judging us. We judge ourselves.  It’s building awareness of the thought and how we speak to ourselves within the thought that sparks a response or action.

In her research professor Brene Brown found that when we make a goal or have a positive thought, a negative thought instantly follows. It’s in our nature.  We are able to identify the hurdles, obstacles, and speedbumps in our way.  The thought often goes something like, “This year, I’ll lose 20 pounds and I’ll start after this weekend.” Then we glance at the calendar and see that Super Bowl or a birthday party is on the calendar and we waiver in our belief for attainment. “That won’t happen, I’ll be eating pizza on Super Bowl. I’ll start later.”

We’re always thinking, analyzing, evaluating, judging. In truth, we can’t turn it off. Our minds are wired to think; right or wrong, yes or no, 60 – 40. This is anything; social interactions, team goals, customer service experiences or the weather. When we hear a song, watch TV, sit in traffic, or eat at a restaurant, we’re thinking to ourselves, “I like this,” “I love this,” “The service seems slow,” or “This is terrible.” We evaluate every interaction.  How we analyze is the differentiator.

We are trained and influenced to judge at our youngest at school.  My daughter’s first grade math illustrates this.  A year ago, while reviewing her homework, I realized the math terms were all about greater than, lesser than, or equal too. It was a huge a-ha moment. Introductions to terms we utilize in our daily life. Evaluation. The self-chatter begins.

During a 2019 networking event, Stacy Nadeau delivered The Confident Mindset: Why Your Internal Script Matters. She said, “We wouldn’t talk to our friends or worst enemies the way we talk to ourselves.”  The self-judgment and berating can be relentless, ongoing, and unproductive.

With all this negative thinking, how do we achieve our goals, company initiatives and New Year resolutions?  How do we build awareness of our thoughts and increase mindfulness to keep them present?  Even more, how do we commit and make the goal a priority?

Suggestions to retain and attain the New Year resolution.

1. Reflect – Be present and aware of your thoughts. Listen to how you speak to yourself. How did you talk to yourself today? Were they kind words? Encouraging? If you’re berating yourself, stop. Reflect on WHY the goal is important.  Ask what obstacles might prevent achievement. Reflection helps to build awareness of the patterns we have. Once we know the pattern or identify the consistent doubting thought, we can schedule diversions to support our resolve.
2. Create Reminders – Set alarms on your phone or throughout your calendar. Create reminders with a quote or photo. Adding a question to an alarm can center you and bring your thoughts to the present. It could be a simple alarm on your phone that reads; “Commit to the New Year resolution” or “Have you taken action on your resolution today?” Keep a visual reminder in a spot that will constantly keep you focused on what the end goal looks like; a trip, an outfit, a house, etc.
3. Measure Effectiveness –  What’s the benchmark? The lowest you will go? The end result? What does it look like? Feel like? Having a benchmark tells you where to start.
4. Build Accountability – Work with a coach, friend, or colleague to support you. Be upfront as to how you need to be coached for accountability. It it a text? A phone call? How frequently will you need follow up?

Know this.  If we decree any resolution, initiative, or goal, it means we want to better ourselves, our teams, or our company culture. The intent is to be more than we are. Greater than, not less than, not equal to. Think kind thoughts to yourself. Your thoughts are things. And what you consistently think, you become. If you continuously think about your goals and resolutions, you will achieve them.   Be the 20% that the media doesn’t talk about.

We waited an hour for our daughter to visit with Santa the other night. The queue filled with families emphasized the stress of the season. Overheated parents holding piles of coats. Eager children fidgeting in their holiday outfits; taffeta dresses and patent leather shoes, glittering shirts, matching pajama sets. An endless procession of anticipation waiting to visit St. Nick.

As we neared the front of the line, my daughter had eyes only for Santa. She gazed at him awestruck, grabbed my hand and said, “I get so nervous to speak to him.”

She approached Santa, rehearsing her Christmas list in her mind. The photographer snapped a photo and like every parent, my husband and I beamed with joy in the moment. Because it’s these moments that make the holiday. It’s these moments that I wish I could bottle and distribute to the masses. And I ponder why is it so difficult to sustain them?  I called it the fresh paint smell in a previous blog.

There comes a moment every December when I look at the calendar and become frantic. There’s an endless list of tasks to complete before year end. Shopping, holiday celebrations, sales calls, meet n greets, presentations, final reports, planning for the year ahead, buying presents, wrapping presents, shipping presents, baking. What should be joyful, even spending time with friends, can feel overwhelming.

In these flashes of overwhelm, I have to stop and breathe and remind myself to be grateful and to focus on others. My takeaway for 2019 is this: I’ve realized that when I become stressed and inundated in the day to day, my thoughts are selfish. My needs. My schedule. My agenda. Me.  Yet when I focus on how to help others, the tension goes away. This is the space I cherish. This is the space I mean to live in; to focus on others and impact their day.  Even the most random act can leave an impression.

This year while traveling, I had an experience that I try to keep close to mind. During a hotel stay, I requested more towels from housekeeping by leaving a gratuity and writing a brief note.

“More towels please. Make it a great day.”

The response has forever shifted my viewpoint.  Although I never crossed paths with the housekeeping staff, the colossal tower of towels left in response was astounding. The impact of the gratuity was overwhelming. It was as if my monetary request had gifted the world to this individual.  The response was the following:

“Thank you so much. Have a blessed day.”

You could feel the appreciation from the note.

It made me realize unintentional random actions can be perceived as actions of greatness.  It emphasized how we all place different values on money, time, and space.  Five dollars to one person, could be viewed as a routine cup of coffee. Inconsequential. Nary a second thought. Yet, for some significant. Life changing to others.

I now carry a penny in every one of my coat pockets to remind myself of the moment. Somedays I’ll randomly place my hand in my pocket and feel the penny, and it centers me. It prompts me step back and observe my surroundings; to be present in the moment. To feel grateful for all I have. It was a penny I felt in my pocket while my daughter sat on Santa’s lap.

Other days, when I feel the penny in my pocket, I’ll toss it on the ground hopeful the person who finds it, will feel as if their day has turned for the better.

My wish for you throughout the season, is to experience wonder in a random moment. Step back and look at your team, your space, your family.  My wish for you is to find a penny, that keep it in your pocket and randomly come across it during a hectic day.

May you find endless joy and wonder this holiday season and prosperity in the new year.